I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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