she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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