why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
