That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
