A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
