wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
