my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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