is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
