We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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