Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
