We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
