you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize