Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
