Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
