i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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