so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
