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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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