wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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