So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
