I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
