so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize