Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
