just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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