She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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