worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
