Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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