How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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