The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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