PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
