Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
