so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize