are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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