Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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