Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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