R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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