Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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