Im at strip club and am horny
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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