I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
