Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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