what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
