epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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