I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
