Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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