I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
