i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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