does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
how drunk are you?
Several
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
