I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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