he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
