my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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