Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
