You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
