dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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