I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
