I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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