I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
