we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
