I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
