i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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