Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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