Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
