oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
