Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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