dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
