I am puke
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
