he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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