ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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