I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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