I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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