3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
