They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
