2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
