Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
