I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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