FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
