The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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