hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
