I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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