watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
