you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
