There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
