girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
