I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
