She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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