I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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